Dear Boys of RSVP..........

Y'all are a little bit mental aren't you.

(the lack of question mark at the end was deliberate, just in case you were under any illusion that it was actually a question that we didnt already know the answer to)

I presume the paranoia i am encountering is due to some bat shit crazy exgirlfriends, either that or the crystal meth problem in Adelaide is far greater than i anticipated.
i would rather tell humorous tales of the gent with the diamante dollar sign swinging alluringly from a chain that sent me a saucy 'kiss' (this is how we rsvp-ers are forced to communicate) or the pompous ass who informed me "cheese is not a meal" (snaps to me for not maiming him for such a retarded and patently untrue statement) Apparently it is quite acceptable though to decant, breathe and then..um...recant? a bottle of red. to take to a below par pizza bar on Rundle Street. And talk to me in their faux english accent that faded in and out. Oh yes i was livin the dream baby. Livin the dream!

But i digress...

So boys, it's this simple. If i like you. i'll say so. If i dont...well i will no doubt awkwardly find some way to vaguely make that apparent too.
So if it happens we enjoy each others company and i indeed conclude i like you, this just means i'll treat you with the same care and kindness i would any friend, it is not, i repeat not, some dastardly plan to race you to the altar. Anything like that will happen in it's own sweet time. You've been watching way too many of the "chick flicks" you refer to grudgingly offering to 'watch with us girls' if you believe otherwise.

If you are only looking for booty calls, dont pretend otherwise. dont sulk if i say i'd rather stay home and watch tv with whatever take away cuisine takes my fancy. Suck it up princess, the world is full of boys keen to to do the no pants dance on a casual basis so if you aren't bringing something extra to the table then you'll just have to graciously accept that it may indeed just be you and your hand tonight (thank you for that one Pink, it has allowed me to sidestep many a pushy young man in a humorous fashion)

Speaking of which did anyone else know that the song "Turning Japanese" is about masturbation?!

should i admit that's the most interesting thing i've learned this week?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Look there is a lot to catch you up on, but then there is also a lot of bad tv for me to watch so i'm sure you can see my dilemma. Between the delivery man who looked at my chest and said "So how's yer puppies...oh woops guess i shouldn't say that, how's those dogs of yours". Snorting tea out my nose when my work mate- eyeing off the two tea bags in my mug- announces loudly "i'm going to try double teabagging like you" (please dont make me explain, just google it), my adventures to where the wild things are (no not Noarlunga train station, the proper wilderness), Hamsters with martial arts skills and my plans to invite you all in to the lunatic asylum that is RSVP dating- i hardly know where to start, but i really just need to hug my squishy* and watch tv and not think about tomorrow. Tomorrow in gale force winds i am being forced to go on a plane that, if anything, resembles a pizza hut toy glider and would undoubtedly lose a mid air confrontation with a reasonably robust seagull. I have sulked, foot stamped and tried to wheedle my way out of it, to no avail. It really burns my toast that i have to give up a whole day, my goodness they had better be planning something delicious for lunch!

*squishy is unfortunately not a boy, more like a security blanket...but squishy

i thought it would take the four horsemen of the apocalypse riding through as a sign for me to resume blogging, but apparently all it took was a snack related tantrum and a couple of days in bed recovering from what i'll no doubt fondly look back on someday as 'the great celery debacle 2008'
Now that my new sink has been plumbed in (not a euphemism) and i'm supposed to be considering a return to study, it seems like a good time to distract myself with, if not a return to blogging, a few idle hours considering the pros and cons.

Cons:

• my lassiez faire attitude to grammar and punctuation...and formatting..
• i have the attention span of a spider monkey post-sugar binge
• i already over analyse everything, this will hardly help me break the habit
• the amount of time i have wasted trying to align this trainwreck of a post and then noticed the bullet point option
• Not knowing what to blog about. To edit or not to edit....

Pros:

• i'll watch less tv, so far tonight i have become semi convinced i might like Leo Sayer, John Mellencamp and that purchasing Time Lifes Soft Rock Collection would be a wise investment
• if anyone accidentally gets lost and ends up here i can at least point them in the direction of some brilliant blogs- assuming i remember even the most rudimentary html code
• i can spend a little less time charming boys. At the moment our relationship sometimes reminds me of a patient parent driving a car and a hyperactive kid in the back bouncing around going "are we there yet? are we there yet?" i'm sure it drives him nuts but what can i say, i know i'm a little impatient but i also know i'm right about him.
• it'll allow me to scale back my adventures in cooking- 20Litres of vanilla rice pudding anyone? Who knew measuring ingredients would be that important?!

Dear Sunrice,

i always wondered, "what would it taste like if i gathered a bottle of my favourite balsamic vinegar, a small sack of rock salt and whatever stale, chewy rice i could scrape out of the back of the cupboard and spooned them into my mouth one after the other." Well i need not wonder any longer. I was too consumed with wildly choking and trying to keep my car on the road to think of what might be a nice accompaniment for these little taste sensations... Might i suggest that whoever is manufacturing them is either missing a chromosome or a little heavy handed with the seasonings?