Dear Boys of RSVP..........

Y'all are a little bit mental aren't you.

(the lack of question mark at the end was deliberate, just in case you were under any illusion that it was actually a question that we didnt already know the answer to)

I presume the paranoia i am encountering is due to some bat shit crazy exgirlfriends, either that or the crystal meth problem in Adelaide is far greater than i anticipated.
i would rather tell humorous tales of the gent with the diamante dollar sign swinging alluringly from a chain that sent me a saucy 'kiss' (this is how we rsvp-ers are forced to communicate) or the pompous ass who informed me "cheese is not a meal" (snaps to me for not maiming him for such a retarded and patently untrue statement) Apparently it is quite acceptable though to decant, breathe and then..um...recant? a bottle of red. to take to a below par pizza bar on Rundle Street. And talk to me in their faux english accent that faded in and out. Oh yes i was livin the dream baby. Livin the dream!

But i digress...

So boys, it's this simple. If i like you. i'll say so. If i dont...well i will no doubt awkwardly find some way to vaguely make that apparent too.
So if it happens we enjoy each others company and i indeed conclude i like you, this just means i'll treat you with the same care and kindness i would any friend, it is not, i repeat not, some dastardly plan to race you to the altar. Anything like that will happen in it's own sweet time. You've been watching way too many of the "chick flicks" you refer to grudgingly offering to 'watch with us girls' if you believe otherwise.

If you are only looking for booty calls, dont pretend otherwise. dont sulk if i say i'd rather stay home and watch tv with whatever take away cuisine takes my fancy. Suck it up princess, the world is full of boys keen to to do the no pants dance on a casual basis so if you aren't bringing something extra to the table then you'll just have to graciously accept that it may indeed just be you and your hand tonight (thank you for that one Pink, it has allowed me to sidestep many a pushy young man in a humorous fashion)

Speaking of which did anyone else know that the song "Turning Japanese" is about masturbation?!

should i admit that's the most interesting thing i've learned this week?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Look there is a lot to catch you up on, but then there is also a lot of bad tv for me to watch so i'm sure you can see my dilemma. Between the delivery man who looked at my chest and said "So how's yer puppies...oh woops guess i shouldn't say that, how's those dogs of yours". Snorting tea out my nose when my work mate- eyeing off the two tea bags in my mug- announces loudly "i'm going to try double teabagging like you" (please dont make me explain, just google it), my adventures to where the wild things are (no not Noarlunga train station, the proper wilderness), Hamsters with martial arts skills and my plans to invite you all in to the lunatic asylum that is RSVP dating- i hardly know where to start, but i really just need to hug my squishy* and watch tv and not think about tomorrow. Tomorrow in gale force winds i am being forced to go on a plane that, if anything, resembles a pizza hut toy glider and would undoubtedly lose a mid air confrontation with a reasonably robust seagull. I have sulked, foot stamped and tried to wheedle my way out of it, to no avail. It really burns my toast that i have to give up a whole day, my goodness they had better be planning something delicious for lunch!

*squishy is unfortunately not a boy, more like a security blanket...but squishy